The article will be a bit long, but it is a message for everyone.

Some of you know that when I have an extrasensory experience, I start the post differently, but that’s all…

Well… I took the beating, and I would really like you to understand what I’m writing because during the story I received some information from the Divine Self that I want to pass on!

Because I thought I could do anything, being a rebel by nature, a rebel without a cause, I forgot for a while why I came here on Earth, what do you think I did? I sacrificed myself, yes, I was like that Christmas pig you sacrifice. For everyone, anytime at any time! Do you understand?

I grew up in trauma, trauma was transmitted to me, of all kinds in all forms. I healed, I understood, I evolved… but something was missing, as if something still needed to be worked on. I didn’t understand what… and continued with the “sacrifice”…

You need me? Now yes,”

“Ooo let me know, let me help you, let me do it” etc…

Until the Universe, the Divine Self among all the subtle messages it sent me, at one point said: “Wait, you don’t understand, we do it differently!”

Until one day in August, I wake up and open the blinds.

“Mmm, I seem to not see properly”, I said in my mind. My left eye was “running away” a little, as if asking me: “where do you think i am “left-right”

He insisted for a few days until I went for a simple eye test at a pharmacy. There, without telling me any other details, they tell me directly “You need to go to the Eye Clinic in Baker Street urgently!”

I say to myself “whoops something is happening”

I ask them “But can’t I go tomorrow?”

“Ooo no no it’s urgent now, as soon as possible”

I arrive at the Eye Clinic, I spend 3 hours in the emergency room, starving, nervous and worried. I was thinking… “if I punched myself in the eye, would I be able to “correct” it?” I don’t like hospitals I don’t like doctors!

There they tell me that my eye is immobile, it doesn’t move and for that I have to get to Mary’s Queen Elisabeth Hospital urgently and that they will give me a CT (Computer Tomography) and blood tests.

I ask him: “But can’t I go tomorrow?”

“What?! Noooo! It’s urgent, right now, please”

“Fucking shit men, i am hungry”

However, my emotions passed, I said to myself “ok, something is serious!”

I arrive at Mary’s where I spent 5 hours in the emergency room plus another 3 to find out the result.

After the investigations, butterfly needle in hand, crying from nerves, you know when you want to scream, hungry and … hungry because you haven’t eaten anything and you’ve been gone since 11 pm and it was 1:30 in the morning?

With a blanket on me from the salon where I had a CT scan, with a branula in my hand, in the waiting room, more and more people, with all kinds of problems, blood, effectively killing my Spirit.

With tears in my eyes I looked at the clock, I leaned back and with a pain in my chest and with tears flowing I said “Please God, I want to go home, in my space, in my bed, I don’t know what They offer me tonight, but all I want is home, in bed, my flesh aches to be here”

It didn’t take an hour and a nurse called me into a private space where she asked me questions after questions. They offer me a bed, in a private place and in 10 minutes another nurse calls me to the office.

And they asks me:

“Are you alone? Could you call someone to come and be with you now?”

I say in my mind “That’s it, that’s it, something’s coming, but I can be strong”

I answer by looking at the clock which was 02:00 am and say:

“No, I don’t have anyone, I’m alone”

“Don’t you have any friends?”

“Yes, but unfortunately no friends to call at this time or “good” friends

I asked them to tell me directly what it is about and that I know myself to be a strong person.

BullShit…

And I say to myself: “You know… you have cancer, it’s an intracranial tumor, and the cancerous cells spread towards the optic nerve, we’re waiting for the doctor to tell you more in the morning.”

I shrugged my shoulders as if I wasn’t there, they were talking through me, I was absent, I had no reaction.

After an hour I started crying, that was it, I called my grandmother, it was September 1st, instead of saying happy birthday, I told her that I have cancer, what was going on in my head?!

In the morning, a team of doctors explains to me and tells me that they will send me urgently to Charing Cross hospital for an MRI and a biopsy, I refuse, 3 times even. The shocked doctors insisted, in the end I accepted.

I spent one night hospitalized, where I also had fun, especially the anesthesiologists who you say were from playboy magazines, I wondered at a moment: “am I in the hospital or dreaming?”

I am a single women but…fucking men, this mens…One was called Ken, I wanted to ask him “ Fucking shit, where is your Barbie, can i be your Barbie? “- either these bad jokes were from emotional shock or I don’t know.

They took me to the salon where they inserted an anesthetic tube, at the same time they gave me an oxygen mask in which I was asked to hold it over my mouth and breathe normally.

I could feel the anesthesia starting to take effect. Looking up at that big thing with many many sticks beating on my face I say in my mind: “Please Divine Self to be with me, I call upon ancestors to be with me and give me a lot of strength, Archangel Michael, protect -me!”

My eyes were slowly closing, I looked around with all my might, I saw 5 people in total, I looked at one of the anesthesiologists and said “I’m afraid”. He put his hand on my shoulder and said “You are very strong Carmen, you are very strong!”

At that moment, I remember the last sequence in which I actually couldn’t keep the mask on my face anymore, my hand fell, the oxygen mask fell and in the last second I heard how the breathing control device made a strange sound as if I was died All those present suddenly turning to the device. I fell asleep.

I woke up in the room, I was dizzy, everything was moving with me, I was trying to look for someone, someone I knew, someone from the family, was no one there…

Tears came to my eyes and I felt like vomiting, I felt like I was spinning, the effect of the anesthesia. In the end I was transferred back to the room where I stayed for a few more hours and they let me go home.

In two weeks the results came. It was the confirmation that yes this is the diagnosis “intracranial tumor” in medical terms “Adenoid Cystic Carcinoma”

After the meeting with the doctors, in which they explained what the problem was, they helped me understand what this experience means, what affects what it doesn’t and what the next steps are.

I signed the documents for the approval of radiotherapy for 6 weeks. I have no words to say how lucky I was to belong to a team where they had an open mind. Although for my part I think I shocked them because yes, I was suffering a little but I had the same smile all the time.

I understood why it was happening to me, I understood that this is the most beautiful gift from the Universe, it is the strongest Dark Night of The soul where I urgently need physical, mental, spiritual transformation! Nothing can be more beautiful than that. Due to this fact, the doctors and nurses were shocked by this attitude and continued to encourage me to remain positive.

6 weeks, 6 weeks… the first two were easy, but then the effects of radiotherapy began to take effect, the total loss of taste, everything I ate and drank tasted like iron. Difficulties in swallowing up to the total loss of being able to eat solid food.

Nervous states followed, crying, I felt it was too much. I was crying in the bathroom I didn’t even have the strength to get up. However… I had a strength in me that I actually felt would not leave me, a strength that at the same time helped me to continue my life from before. To go out, to go out, to go to the cinema. There were times when I wondered why I keep going if I’m not well.

There was a voice that told me “but you’re fine, you really are fine, but it’s an experience, a request, you have to learn something, when you become aware it will be easier for you”

And I realized… I realized that from the age of 18 I refused the world around me, I sacrificed myself for the world around me, I took on responsibilities that I shouldn’t have taken! I refused help of any kind, I did everything alone, i forgot myself!

Until I realized something even more interesting…a trauma very well hidden!

The total distance from Self, from the world, the climax took place in 2017 in a trauma where I was in a toxic and abusive relationship. I remember the last beating he gave me, hitting my head against the wall where I tried to open the window and scream for help, he put his hand over my mouth where I was dragged to the living room where he hit me again, trying to escape that night.

Here in the subconscious a trauma was created regarding the world and my mind interpreted it like this: “Because I opened the window, I called for help, no one was there, this means that the world is uncaring, no one cares, I will create a protection and I will defend myself even from the world”

And I realized, I realized painfully, crying but the situation actually changed in good.

I remember in the first week of radiotherapy, I went to the mall, I did some shopping. I left the mall and there were some Indian monks in front. One of them deliberately got in the way with a book in his hand, asking me if I cook.

Hmmm?! I say “yes, I like it, cooking is one of my passions”

He gives me the book, opens it and hands it to me. He explained to me that is a charitable act and the sale of books is in the form of a donation.

I receive the book, I give him 5 pounds in which I add that I love their culture, I love the language, I love India, the music, the energy.

I walk, and I go to the bus station, I turn the book and I get the shock of my life…”

The book was open to a page where a picture was illustrated. In the picture there was an Indian child with a flute and under his picture it was written:

Lord Kisna explains to His friend Atjung in the Bhagavad-sita (0.26), “If one offers Me with love and devotion a leat, a flower, a fruit, or water, I will accept it.”

That was it… I stopped, shivers went through my whole body and I said crying “Ok ok I accept, I accept this experience, I understood the message”… Once again a proof of divine love from the Universe.

I don’t know how many of you are lucky enough to actually hear your Self and the Universe speak through people, books, messages. Especially when Spirit is connected, it’s MAGIC!

Another experience that I want to share and it is very important! It is also a spiritual one and a very strong message that I hope everyone will understand!

On the day they did my last tomography, they also made me a mask for radiotherapy. The mask was hot, they put it on my face so they could take the measurements, modulate it for my face. I can’t explain the feeling!

I was lying on that bed, almost stuck in that tunnel, the branula in my hand with a solution that I could feel in my whole body. The nurses asked me if I was ready for the mask and that it will be a little hot but I have to resist.

I took a deep breath, said I was ready, gritted my teeth. The mask was placed on my face, the nurses started taking I don’t know what measures.

Then something happened to me and here I need your attention even more! At the moment, the ability of mediumship intervened, “hearing and seeing” a figure next to the bed and next to the nurses, the message he sent brought tears to my eyes:

“Carmen, this is the real crime! Lack of self-love and sacrifice, crime against you!”

I understand… I was and am grateful for the experience!

November 28 has finally arrived!! I rang the bell:) . When you finish radiotherapy you ring a bell 3 times, this gesture shows that you are finally done and that this experience is no longer standing in your way.

My eye is perfect, I can see very well. The biggest change is the lost kilograms -9, the face pigment is a bit brown, as if I tanned, my hair has fallen but not so much that it requires a wig.

The same positive attitude, the same smile but with many, many lessons learned. The challenge continues taking care of myself, what I eat and everything.

What I really wish for everyone is to NEVER FALL INTO THE MIND TRAP!

Never consider yourself sick, never fall prey to victimization! Do not look for your diagnosis on the Internet! I didn’t do that! No matter how strange it may seem, I don’t consider for a second that I am sick, I would like the people around me not to see me as sick! This helps me a lot!

Go outside, in the park, in the forest, walk barefoot, make Earthing!

I go out to the park, I walk barefoot, I lie on the ground, with my head on the trees, I talk to Mother Earth. You can’t even imagine how much it helps.

Search about Earthing on youtube, on google, what it means, you will understand more!

Do not forget !! A POSITIVE MIND AND MOTHER EARTH ARE THE BEST MEDICINES!

Never treat such a diagnosis as a condemnation. We were educated wrongly, we received a wrong education, it’s time to access the real information. Such a diagnosis is the most beautiful gift that can be given to you, to return to yourself when you have forgotten yourself! It’s the moment when you are the main actor in your own life!

I want to thank the following people with gratitude:

I want to thank the team of doctors who took care of me, Mrs. Sarah and Simon, their assistant Teresa! I felt a special energy from them, an energy that you rarely find in a hospital. I always said it and I say it, I feel so loved by the Universe, I always met and continue to meet special people, I do not know how they come from where but i am so grateful! This team for me really seems from another dimension!!

My therapist Liliana P. who has been with me on this road since July 7th and has helped me enormously to become aware of many things.

(The role of my therapy is to heal the few wounds that I still have and to be able to prepare later to become a parental therapist so that I can work with children and on the psychology of couple relationships, I like studying human behavior so much. We cannot help someone who needs help overnight. It is very sad what I see nowadays, many become therapists overnight, even 2-3 months is very little. A real therapist has a lot of work behind him, studies, projects. We become therapists overnight but we destroy the next generations. We become therapists in ThetaHealing but we transmit our toxic energy and lie to ourselves that a course of a few months is enough…)

My guru, as I like to call Monica Georgescu from the Monroe Institute, who offered me a formula, an affirmation to which the cure of the diagnosis is due and my eye is saved!

I want to thank my holistic doctor from Romania, Dan Draghici, who still hasn’t lost his patience with me!🙈

The mother of my ex-boyfriend who never moved from my side and to her family who love me so much!

I want to thank the most beautiful soul I met during an interview, Marta Magdaleno from the Danubius Hotel from the HR department. I don’t work there, but after that interview, a little later, a beautiful friendship was formed, she always made sure to ask me how I was feeling and if I needed anything. The most beautiful Spanish woman I could meet, a wonderful Aquarius! Can’t wait to recover a little bit and spend time together, shopping, cinema!:)

I also thank my professors from Regent University – Software Engineering, mr Sadeque, mr. Mohammad, for their understanding and support, the student representative Sunaina ,Sripriya, Miyanda, the people from Wellbeing. My colleagues whom I really miss to see again. And my beautiful friend Adriana Mazilu!

Please, love yourself more! Don’t stay in toxic relationships, toxic environments! Do what your soul want, feed him! 😘🌏🛸🙏